Mike Myers

Character: The Cat

Dakota Fanning

Character: Sally Walden

Spencer Breslin

Character: Conrad Walden

Kelly Preston

Character: Joan Walden

Alec Baldwin

Character: Larry Quinn

Amy Hill

Character: Mrs. Kwan

Sean Hayes

Character: Mr. Humberfloob / Fish (voice)

Danielle C. Ryan

Character: Thing One

Taylor Rice

Character: Thing One

Brittany Oaks

Character: Thing Two

Talia-Lynn Prairie

Character: Thing Two

Dan Castellaneta

Character: Thing One / Thing Two (voice)

Victor Brandt

Character: Narrator (voice)

Daran Norris

Character: Announcer

Frank Welker

Character: Nevins (voice)

Clint Howard

Character: Kate the Caterer

Paige Hurd

Character: Denise

Steven Anthony Lawrence

Character: Dumb Schweitzer

Paris Hilton

Character: Female Club-Goer

Candace Brown

Character: Secretary

Stephen Hibbert

Character: Jim McFinnigan

Roger W. Morrissey

Character: Mr. Vompatatat

Norman Fessler

Character: Mailman (uncredited)

Danny Nero

Character: Man in Street (uncredited)

Brian George

Character: Sanjay (uncredited)