Jane Jensen

Character: Juliet Capulet

Will Keenan

Character: Tromeo Que

Valentine Miele

Character: Murray Martini

William Beckwith

Character: Cappy Capulet

Steve Gibbons

Character: London Arbuckle

Sean Gunn

Character: Sammy Capulet

Debbie Rochon

Character: Ness

Lemmy Kilmister

Character: Narrator

Stephen Blackehart

Character: Benny Que

Flip Brown

Character: Father Lawrence

Earl McKoy

Character: Monty Que

Gene Terinoni

Character: Detective Ernie Scalus

Wendy Adams

Character: Ingrid Capulet

Tamara Marie Watson

Character: Georgie Capulet

Jacqueline Tavarez

Character: Rosy

Tiffany Shepis

Character: Peter

Joe Fleishaker

Character: 1-900-HOT-HUNK

James Gunn

Character: Found a Peanut Father

Lloyd Kaufman

Character: Shocked Onlooker

Lisbeth Kaufman

Character: Mutant Kid

Charlotte Kaufman

Character: Mutant Kid

Caroline Smith

Character: Pauline

Jason Green

Character: Sgt. Kabukiman N.Y.P.D. (uncredited)

Ron Jeremy

Character: Tromaville Citizen (uncredited)

Garon Peterson

Character: Fu Chang

Joseph Anthony

Character: Flavio (Penis Monster Guy)

Craig Adams

Character: Guy Who Says It Will Take Him Only Two Minutes to Have Sex

Neil Ruddy

Character: Nice Man Hit By Car!!