Ricky Tomlinson

Character: Mike Bassett

Amanda Redman

Character: Karine Bassett

Philip Jackson

Character: Lonnie Urquart

Bradley Walsh

Character: Dave Dodds

Martin Bashir

Character: Interviewer

Phill Jupitus

Character: Tommo Thompson

Dean Lennox Kelly

Character: Kevin Tonkinson

Robbie Gee

Character: Smallsy

Geoff Bell

Character: Gary Wackett

Pelé

Character: Self

Ulrich Thomsen

Character: Dr. Hans Shoegaarten

Geoffrey Hutchings

Character: Geoffrey Lightfoot

Angela Curran

Character: Margaret

Danny Tennant

Character: Jason Bassett

Sean Gilder

Character: Journalist

Mark Burdis

Character: Journalist

Nigel Lindsay

Character: Journalist

Sue Barker

Character: Self

Gabby Logan

Character: Self

Keith Allen

Character: Self

Natasha Kaplinsky

Character: Self

Dickie Bird

Character: Self

Robert Putt

Character: Jack Marshall

John Alford

Character: Deano

Dean Holness

Character: Danny

Scott Mean

Character: Parksey

Terry Kiely

Character: Harpsey

Peter McGillycuddy

Character: Gorgeous

Toby Redwood

Character: Berksey

Thomas Kenyon

Character: Macca

Andy Ansah

Character: Super

Robert Campion

Character: Smudger

Alex Lawler

Character: Sexy

Dion Osborne

Character: Ossie

Danny Husbands

Character: Normal

Declan Perkins

Character: Perky

Phil Gridelet

Character: Grids

Jenny Frost

Character: Self

Liz McClarnon

Character: Self

Malcolm Terris

Character: Phil Cope

Ian Lindsay

Character: Manchester Rep

Lloyd McGuire

Character: Midlands Rep

Chris McQuarry

Character: Alan Massey

Stephen Walters

Character: Supporter

Barry Venison

Character: Self

Ronaldo

Character: Self

Kim Durham

Character: Benson

Robert Hudson

Character: Hedges

Des Hamilton

Character: Scottish Player

Paul Rattray

Character: Scottish Player

Neil Peplow

Character: Scottish Goalie

Glen Mulhern

Character: Irish Player

Kevin Hudson

Character: Footballer (uncredited)